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Not everyone is living in homeownership bliss.
It’s a tough market for home buyers at the moment, particularly for first home buyers trying to get a foot in the property door. In order to buy something in your budget you might have to compromise on other things, like location, size and luxury extras like a 2nd bathroom or stunning light fittings.
In other cases you may have purchased what you thought was your perfect home only to find out that it’s not so perfect underneath. That might mean you need to invest in some fixes to get it up to where it needs to be.
It’s up to you. You can either dwell on how imperfect your home is and have that sour taste in the back of your mouth every time you walk in the door, or you can do something about it and make it into a home you can love and appreciate every day.
If you haven’t purchased your home yet and you are still hunting around, it really pays to talk to a conveyancer well before you sign the paperwork to reduce the risk of something going wrong, leaving you with a lemon, instead of a peach.
Here are 12 ways to stop thinking about the home you want and start loving the one you’re with.
The grass on the other side of your fence is not something you can control. What you can control is how your home looks, feels and provides for you.
Overall, we compare ourselves too much to what other people have or how other people are.
It’s never accurate. We have no idea what that other person has been through or where they are at in their personal journey.
Their situation and circumstances are different to yours so a comparison between the two is getting you nowhere.
By comparing yourself to someone else you are focusing on what you don’t have. It’s bound to result in negative emotions and wishing things were different. Instead, focus on what you have.
When you put your attention on your home you can start to take responsibility for how it looks and how it sustains you. Those are the things that are within your control and how you can get back to your personal happiness.
What you want from the other side of the fence might cost more than you are willing to pay. Having an exquisite garden for example looks so wonderful from the other side, but takes an incredible investment in your time to maintain as well as resources like watering, fertilising, pruning and remedies to keep bugs away. Is that how you want to be spending your free time?
When you look at the big picture and see it as a real thing that you have to take responsibility for, it might not be so appealing, maybe your current setup is actually perfect for your lifestyle.
Just because you are making an effort to enjoy your home doesn’t mean you need to put up with nagging issues and things that are not working for you.
If something isn’t working, write it down. It could be anything from a lack of closet space, crowded entry, lack of privacy or not enough backyard.
Even if you have to think outside the box there will be a solution. A retaining wall can give you more garden space, and hedges and garden screens can provide some privacy from neighbours. Could you change the furniture arrangements so you can find more space in bedrooms or perhaps a minor renovation is in order?
Talk to experts in the industry (renovators/landscape artists/patio builders ect) to see what is available. They can offer you ideas you haven’t thought of and provide quotes to consider.
Just freshening up the look of your home can seem new and exciting. Rearranging the furniture can make the space more functional and change the focus and feel of the room.
Some of the items on your list of things that aren’t working in your current home will need repair. Maybe it’s door handles, tap fittings or carpets. Figure how much you need to make repairs and save up until you have enough to get them completed.
Getting a headstart on these now means that when you go to sell your home you’ve already done the hard work to get everything in shape and increase the value.
Don’t ignore things that need work in your home. They won’t go away, they will only get worse, take more time and cost more money down the line. Get them fixed early so you can feel great about the home you live in.
Even if it’s not in your budget to paint the house right now, write it down anyway. That way you can plan and prioritise your spending so that you work your way up to getting these jobs done so you can love and appreciate your home.
Gratitude is about mindset. When we have a healthy and positive mindset we feel better about our situation, allow ourselves to be happy and put ourselves in a position where problem solving is possible.
There are so many things to be grateful for each and every day, but if we’re not in the habit of finding those things, we can get worn down, and stressed out.
If there is something in particular you want that is currently out of reach, look for ways you can make that happen that are realistic and achievable. Of course it’s possible, you just need to put your problem solving hat on.
I’ve written a lot of blogs on decluttering and that’s because it’s a free activity, it’s super healthy and it comes with a lot of great benefits.
Clutter creates a feeling of unrest and distractedness that can amplify the dissatisfied feelings you have about your home. We can often take the mental leap of seeing mess and disorganising and thinking, “a new home will fix all that”.
A new home might be neat and tidy for a while but unless you have long term solutions for staying clean and tidy, it won’t take long for the mess to settle again.
Clean it up. Get rid of anything you haven’t used recently.
As well as feeling great and having more choices and better access for where and how you keep your belongings, you also get to practice your decision making and prioritising skills.
When it’s all clear and looking like a minimalist haven you can make some great choices about where to place your most loved and attractive items to give your home a fantastic look and feel.
You don’t need to make a huge job of it. Just start with one cupboard or shelf and aim to do just that small amount every day.
You can also feel great about giving your items to charity. Think about who might need your unwanted items the most. As well as the usual charity shops think about donating goods for use at women’s refuge homes, refugee assistance programs or the RSPCA and other animal shelters.
When we lose appreciation for our home we can also lose motivation to keep it clean and tidy. We feel like a new home will be something we want to keep clean and organised each and every day, just because we love being there so much.
It’s a tricky situation because by allowing mess and disorganisation in your current home, it also adds to the worn down feeling that you don’t love it anymore…leading to more mess.
Draw up a rotating roster of responsibilities everyone who resides there can participate in and make a point of sticking to the routine. It doesn’t have to be a chore, find ways you can turn it into a challenge or make it fun. Put on some music or a timer and make it into a race, post before and after images on social media or include an activity you love when everything is completed. Anything you can do to make it rewarding and enjoyable, go for it.
Once a month go over the bigger jobs you have been putting off so they stay under control and on your radar.
Whether you own or rent your space, decorating is that individual touch that makes your home your own, and brings it to life with some personality (most likely your personality).
To decorate your home you don’t have to buy everything new and spend a fortune. Keep an eye out for decoration ideas while you declutter.
Decorating can also draw attention to the things you like about your home and provide some distraction for the things you’re not so keen on.
What you choose to show off is entirely up to you. Think about what is important and valued in your life and make that the focus of your decorating efforts.
Some decorating items might include:
Your furniture is part of the landscape too. Moving it around can make a huge difference to the look and feel of a room. Bringing decor from one room into another can also change the look and bring a much needed breath of fresh air to a room.
Try using a to-scale model made of lego or paper if you have heavy items you can’t move easily, so you can get an idea of the space before you push things around.
If you haven’t had professional photos of your family taken in a while, get the camera out and take some shots yourself. Candid prints can be very artistic and speak volumes when edited well. Plenty of places (Harvey Norman for example) offer printing in large sizes on photo paper, glass, canvas and wood.
It might not be the bricks and mortar of your home that are getting you down. Maybe it’s about wanting connection and companionship. Maybe you want a new home that will be better for entertaining and you can show off to your friends and family. Forget about the showing off part and make connections right now with what you have. It will be more genuine and the happiness you get from these shared experiences will last a lot longer.
Homes are about togetherness so find ways to include quality friendships and have a laugh and make some happy memories. Play with your kids, flirt with your partner, laugh with your friends.
Invite people over for something as small as coffee, as relaxed as a movie or as fancy as a three course dinner.
While your friends are over, listen to the positive things they might say about your space. Maybe a friend of your children mentions that it’s so much more relaxed here, maybe an older relative says your home is so cosy and safe. Take these compliments on board and look at your home through their fond point of view. Maybe you’ve been a little harsh on your good old home.
Think of ways you can entertain and make connection either with your whole family, your children’s friends or your own friends and co-workers
Entertaining is an important reminder of what’s really important, it’s not a fancy house, it’s someone to share a home with.
There must have been something you loved about your home to begin with. All too often we can let the constant running of the day stop us from taking advantage of the very thing we moved here for.
This happened to clients of mine who were stressed because they couldn’t sell their house. There was just no interest, even though it was a location that was performing well. When I asked them about what they loved most about their home, they said the rooftop view. It turns out they had an amazing rooftop area that had seating and a clear view of the stunning landscape.
When that was cleaned up, showcased and highlighted in photos the property sold quickly, only now the couple didn’t want to sell, they wanted more time on their rooftop drinking in wine and the view.
What about the home or area made you excited to move in. Nearby gardens, close to the coast, the night views of the city or the big backyard. Do you still use these spaces and love these things?
Getting back into it might mean adding to your list of repairs and changes, maybe you need to dig the backyard out of the weeds and buy a new swing chair, but rekindling that original love can do wonders for getting those romantic feelings back again.
Feeling stuck in a home you don’t want can be unempowering. The situation is not going to last forever, so start putting plans in place for what comes next.
Plan your budget and get quotes on the changes you want so you can manage it all financially. The good news is that the changes you make may well improve the home’s value and make it more appealing to new buyers down the track.
What are you dreaming of:
Simply dreaming about a new house or the renovations you want, won’t make it happen. You need to create a specific plan that includes realistic budgets and timelines.
Make specific steps for how you can get from where you are to where you want to be in bite sized pieces. That might mean saving money (making some sacrifices), rolling up your sleeves for some serious DIY projects or enlisting help from professionals.
Make sure you prioritise your list. While rewiring your home’s electricity or repairing the roof isn’t as exciting as buying new lounge furniture or setting up a theatre room, it is far more essential for your property value and safety. Make sure you take care of essential foundation work before you get started on the luxury items.
Forget the latest styles that are rigid and stiff. Find a style that is comfy. You want to be able to snug into your home and cuddle up. Even if you don’t love your home, at least you can feel comfy while you’re there.
Here are some ideas for making your house feel like a snug retreat:
You don’t need to make over every room in your home, you might just want a personal retreat or a little nest that’s just for you.
To be happy in your home, you don’t have to move into a brand-new house or renovate it completely. A new house brings a lot of expenses and stress and yes, you might be more motivated to live a different lifestyle to begin with, but unless you make the change inside, even a new home will lose its charm with time and you’ll slump back into wanting something more. Fix it now with an internal clean up that gives you a better perspective about what is important and puts you in charge of your environment and happiness.
By changing your mindset and making little adjustments, you can transform how you feel about your house and be happy with your life right now, whether things are going your way, or not.
NSW Conveyancing Licence No. 06003420
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